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Amanda Sardos's Feedback for Perry

Page history last edited by Amanda Sardos 5 years, 5 months ago

1. Create a new page for each person whom you are reviewing. Use this template each time.

2. Put the page in the respective author's folder.

3. Answer all questions.

4. Save often!

 

To what extent is the text object successful in using the affordances of its platform to communicate? (example: affordances of Twitter: 140-character constraint, hashtags, RTs, @ replies, images, links) How does the medium support the story? What challenges are caused by the platform? What suggestions can you offer for improvement? Is there a better platform for the object?

  • I like that you used a website for the platform of your text object. I think it is successful and very clear in telling the story of “time.” Since the text is on a website, there are many different ways one can play around with the text on this medium. I like how every line of the text has a different style. I think this really works for this story and it does not detract from reading the story. One challenge I see is the last line, it doesn’t make sense; I think the last line of the text should be the most powerful and make the reader want to keep reading the story. Another challenge I see is that the text could have drawn out the story more. It is very straight and to the point but I think there could have been more drawn out with this text. I like that you used a website but I think since this is a song, you could have made a powerful video of just the text playing the story. 

 

Summarize the narrative in one sentence. In what ways is the text successful at retelling this narrative or invoking narrativity? Are there any places where the narrative or characters are unclear? What strategies can you suggest for improving clarity and/or narrativity?

  • This narrative is about time, living for every moment possible and not giving up on time. The different styles of each text make the reader feel like they are actually in the story. I think this can also be an expression of time in the way each style is different and is advancing in time. Time is always changing and so is the style of the text. The last sentence is a little unclear; maybe rewording it or changing the style may help make it more clear. I also think you should draw out this narrative with more text to improve the narrativity of the story. 

 

To what extent does the author use language, such as imagery, humor, metaphor, etc. successfully? What are the problem areas? What suggestions can you offer?

  • The author uses imagery and metaphors very successfully to tell the narrative of time. The reader can understand what is going on but the imagery and metaphor help the reader feel like they are actually participating in the narrative and helps them get a real picture of what is happening in the narrative. I don’t see any problem areas with the author’s use of language. My only suggestion is again to make the last sentence or line of the narrative more clear. 

 

To what extent do digital characteristics, such font choice, color, links, interactivity, and the algorithm, support the narrative? In  what ways do they detract? What suggestions can you offer?

  • The font choices, and style are very good for telling this narrative. There is a lot of variety and no characteristics of the font detract; they enhance the narrative and emphasize words to make the point of the narrative. The color choice is basic colors like black and white, which is great but maybe adding some other colors, like gray, etc. for variety, might also help make the emphasis on certain words and even for the whole narrative.

 

What general thoughts or suggestions do you have for the author?  

  • Overall, I really like what you chose for your text object and for your narrative. I think it’s a great idea and you have a lot of potential for your portfolio. To summarize my suggestions, make the last line more clear, draw the narrative out more (if possible) and add a little bit more color. I am excited to see where this project goes! 

 

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