The morality tale told over Twitter is an interesting idea. The language seems really out of place with the normal ebbs and flows of Twitter, but I kind of like that . Is this an original composition? If not, I am unfamiliar with the source material. Setting that aside, there were a few times that I found it a bit confusing to try parse out who was speaking. Partially because there are no markers since it is all first person, but partially also because the voices of the two characters are remarkably similar. Strategies for clarifying might include differentiating the tone and language of each character or giving each character her own Twitter account (or both!). I can understand your reluctance to include links to images or anything of the like. But do consider how the form of Twitter might help support your content here. If you put this all together into a few paragraphs and printed it out, the story would remain largely the same. So how can you utilize the short form to help amplify aspects of your story? For revision, focus on differentiating between the two characters and on using the medium to support your message.